The Perfect Holiday Caregiver: It’s all a state of mind
December 8, 2010
The holidays are always a wonderful time of year for family gatherings, reflection on what we have and the spirit of giving. The television is packed with specials showing relationships and families coming together for the holidays.
But the holidays can also be a time of stress and sadness for those who are caring for family members that are struggling with health problems, frailty, dementia and loss. Those who care for these individuals may feel overwhelmed, frustrated, depressed or resentful as they watch “perfect” families enjoying the holidays. There are many surveys and documents that show that caregivers are highly susceptible to these feelings. If you are a caregiver, there are measures you can take to avoid this.
First; Remember, that you are not alone.
If you are new to caregiving or have been caring for someone for a very long time, remember that the perfect family on television is not reality for many Americans. You are not the only one with these challenges. A recent study by the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP found that 44.4 million Americans age 18 or older are providing unpaid care to an adult. In fact according to the survey provided by the National Family Caregivers Association:
* The typical caregiver is a 46-year-old Baby Boomer woman with some college education who works and spends more than 20 hours per week caring for her mother who lives nearby.
* Female caregivers provide more hours of care and provide a higher level of care than male caregivers.
* Almost seven in ten 69%) caregivers say they help one person.
* The average length of caregiving is 4.3 years.
* Many caregivers fulfill multiple roles. Most caregivers are married or living with a partner (62%), and most have worked and managed caregiving responsibilities at the same time (74%).
Second; Find help.
There are many resources available to a caregiver. Some of these include family members, friends, a local religious group, elder care agencies and homecare providers. The internet provides many great resources and help. The National Care Planning Council offers many articles, brochures and local referrals to help caregivers find the help that they need.
“When my husband’s stepfather was released from the hospital in December of 2009, he called us to give him a ride home. Once he was home, we quickly realized that he was not able to care for himself at all. He lived alone and we found ourselves driving back and forth three or four times a day to assist all of his needs. It was overwhelming and frightening to suddenly become a caregiver to a man we weren’t even that close to. With my husband working full time days, I became his primary caregiver. I would pack up my two little girls every day to come with me to take him to the doctor, do his laundry and feed him his meals, do his grocery shopping and help him with his bills. I had no idea what his finances were like or how to pay his medical bills. He was too sick to care or even understand what I was saying to him. I quickly realized I was going to have to find help. First I called his children. They were sympathetic, but gave all kinds of excuses as to why they could not help. Next, I went to the internet. I went to the website for National Care Planning Council www.longtermcarelink.net and found and contacted a Care planner in my area. The Care Planner came to my stepfather’s house and met with the two of us. They helped me get organized and set up time to meet with someone to explain his Medicare services and what my next steps would be. It was such a relief to have a plan and to know what to do.” MH- Salt Lake City, Utah
Most family members are willing to help, but just don’t know what to do. Many caregivers feel that they are the only one who can give the best care. It is important to communicate with other family members about what kind of help you need and let them know specifically what they can do.
A number of organizations and private companies will give you advice and guidance -- many for free. If your care recipient has a very low income, you might get free help from your local Area Agency on Aging. A lot depends on available funds. Click here for a nationwide list of agencies.
A good source for professional advice is the rapidly growing business of non-medical home care companies. Most will offer free consultations and will provide paid aides to help you with your loved-one with such things as bathing, dressing, shopping, household chores, transportation, companionship and much more. These people may also help you coordinate adult daycare or other community services.
You may wish to pay for a formal assessment and care plan from a professional geriatric care manager. Even though it may cost you a little money to hire a care manager, this could be the best money you will ever spend. Care managers are valuable in helping find supporting resources, providing respite, saving money from care providers, finding money to pay for care, making arrangements with family or government providers and providing advice on issues that you may be struggling with.
Lastly; it is important to take care of yourself first in order to give effective and loving care.
Stephen Covey tells a story in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People about a man who is sawing a tree. A woman approaches and asks the obviously exhausted man how long he has been sawing the tree. He tells her that he has been there for hours.
She says “Well, I see that your saw is dull, if you would just sharpen your saw you would be able to saw it much faster and with less effort.”
He replies, “I don’t have time to stop and sharpen my saw, I need to chop this tree down now!”
It seems pretty silly that the man just doesn’t stop for a few minutes to make the work easier. It is common for caregivers to do the same thing. They focus on caring for their loved one and run themselves down instead of stopping to “sharpen their saw”.
Covey states that “sharpening the saw” is to take care of yourself by keeping your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self balanced. There is joy and respite in balancing all of these areas in our life. This is what makes us efficient and happy. Here are some ways for you as a caregiver to sharpen your own saw:
* Maintain a positive attitude. Take time to be grateful for everything that is good in your life. There is always something. Adjust your expectations for the holiday season. If you aren’t expecting that perfect holiday family picture, then you won’t be angry and frustrated that it isn’t something you have right now. It is always possible to change your attitude and perceptions, but it is not always possible to change your circumstances.
* Eat healthy food and be sure to get some exercise. Do this in small increments if it is too overwhelming to plan menus. Drink more water, cut down on sugary snacks, pick up some vegetables and fruit to grab. Walk or do marching in place. Run or walk up and down stairs if that is all the time you have right now.
* Forgive and let go of frustrations, anger, resentment and guilt. These are common feelings for caregivers. The best thing a caregiver can do for their own emotional health is to clear out these negative thoughts and feelings. Get counseling, talk to a friend or family member or simply write down the negative feelings to get them out of your system. Never take your anger and frustrations out on those you care for.
* Take time to do something you enjoy and give yourself a little bit of rejuvenation everyday. Laughter is a great stress reliever. Find something funny to read or get on the internet and find a funny video to watch.
* During the holidays, be easy on yourself. If you enjoy holiday activities, then get out there and do them. Ask someone to help with your caregiving duties even if it is just for an hour or two to shop or to see a concert or movie. There are day care facilities or home care services available for short term care. See www.longtermcarelink.net for a service in your area.
Being a “perfect” caregiver during the holidays does not have to look like the perfect on-screen holiday family. How you handle your circumstance will be the key to creating your own peace, happiness and cheer during the holiday season. The holidays can be a time of reflection on good things. Your attitude and a little care for yourself can make a big difference in the care that you give in the coming year.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Seniors are largest target of scams
Murders and violent crimes are down around the Washington region and the country, but one kind of crime is rising steadily: scams against the elderly.
"There's just a low chance of getting caught and a high chance of getting into a lot of money," said Kathleen Quinn, executive director of the National Adult Protective Services Association.
Virginia's Adult Protective Services workers reported 756 cases of financial exploitation in the fiscal year that ended in June 2009, reflecting a steady rise since 2001, when there were 373.
In wealthy Montgomery County, 73 cases of financial exploitation were referred to the county's Adult Protective Services in fiscal 2009, compared with 47 in 2005 and 33 in 2000.
"These referrals represent the tip of the iceberg," said Bonnie Klem, chief of Montgomery's Adult Protective Services investigations. "Many more cases go unreported."
Senior citizens lose at least $2.6 billion a year to thieves, many of whom are in their own families, according to a study last year by the MetLife Mature Market Institute. And that estimate is conservative, MetLife says, given the schemes left unreported.
As the nation ages, the number of targets increases. By 2030, the United States will be home to 34 million people older than 75.
Officials in the District said the number of financial exploitations against older people has not increased, but more seniors are falling prey to offshore lottery-winning scams.
"There's absolutely more scamming going on," said Gail Nardi, head of adult services for Virginia's Department of Social Services. "It's outrageous to the point you say, 'Nah, that couldn't have happened.' But I see it every day."
She didn't have to look too far last month. A caregiver and a social worker at the Grayson County (Va.) Department of Social Services were charged with taking more than $24,000 from the bank account of an 89-year-old client who had gone to the agency for care and companionship.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/07/06/AR2010070605455.html?wpisrc=nl_pmheadline
Monday, April 26, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
No Cost Reverse Mortgages
No Cost Reverse Mortgages
I have been assisting seniors for over five years with reverse mortgages. Dr. Zoeller had a large mortgage and very high interest credit card balances. I paid off her mortgage and credit cards. Now Dr. Zoeller is debt free and loving life. The best news is that now I can offer seniors an even better deal by providing a no cost reverse mortgage. Visit my website for more information www.dianequitmeyer.com or call 314-220-3918.
I have been assisting seniors for over five years with reverse mortgages. Dr. Zoeller had a large mortgage and very high interest credit card balances. I paid off her mortgage and credit cards. Now Dr. Zoeller is debt free and loving life. The best news is that now I can offer seniors an even better deal by providing a no cost reverse mortgage. Visit my website for more information www.dianequitmeyer.com or call 314-220-3918.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
New Reverse Mortgage Product Saves Seniors Money
I've been doing reverse mortgage for over five years and one of the largest drawbacks of the loan was the upfront origination and servicing fees. This has made this a very expensive loan. I'm very proud to say I work for the first lender to listen to the concerns of seniors and eliminate those fees. Origination fees were 2% of the appraised value or a minimum of $2,500. While the servicing fees could be as much as $5,300 based on the borrowers age. So the savings could amount to $8,000 or more. The interest rate is 5.56% and is a fixed rate.
This loan is a great product for someone who wants to eliminate their mortgage payments, help out their children, remodel their home, make their home accessible, pay for medical expenses and/or homecare, travel, purchase a new home or diversify their assets.
This is the loan of the future and with the new product making it more affordable I can see reverse mortgages become part of the mainstream mortgage industry.
http://www.dianequitmeyer.com/
This loan is a great product for someone who wants to eliminate their mortgage payments, help out their children, remodel their home, make their home accessible, pay for medical expenses and/or homecare, travel, purchase a new home or diversify their assets.
This is the loan of the future and with the new product making it more affordable I can see reverse mortgages become part of the mainstream mortgage industry.
http://www.dianequitmeyer.com/
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Aging in Place
Aging in Place is a very important topic. There will be 79 million Americans that will cross the threshold to retirement over the next twenty years, joining the millions of folks that are already retired.
There are Key risks that all retirees will face in the coming years:
1.Outliving their assets - with new retirees expected to live well into their 90's it may be difficult for retirement assets to support post retirement living.
2. Inadequate returns - traditional investments like CD's and bonds are not providing enough returns to support retirement. You will probably run out of money to offset inflation and taxes. Invest wisely!
3. Inflation - The rising cost of goods and services over the period of your retirement. You need to consider if inflation averages 3% over the 25 years you are retired, you will need twice as much money to maintain your current standard of living. For example it your standard of living is currently $75,000 in 2034 you will need $150,000.
4. Healthcare expenses. You could be using up to 35% of your after tax dollars to support your healthcare needs in 2030.
5. Taxes - Make sure you carefully manage your tax liabilities so that you pay as little as is legally possible to reduce the money your have to take out of your retirement funds.
There are Key risks that all retirees will face in the coming years:
1.Outliving their assets - with new retirees expected to live well into their 90's it may be difficult for retirement assets to support post retirement living.
2. Inadequate returns - traditional investments like CD's and bonds are not providing enough returns to support retirement. You will probably run out of money to offset inflation and taxes. Invest wisely!
3. Inflation - The rising cost of goods and services over the period of your retirement. You need to consider if inflation averages 3% over the 25 years you are retired, you will need twice as much money to maintain your current standard of living. For example it your standard of living is currently $75,000 in 2034 you will need $150,000.
4. Healthcare expenses. You could be using up to 35% of your after tax dollars to support your healthcare needs in 2030.
5. Taxes - Make sure you carefully manage your tax liabilities so that you pay as little as is legally possible to reduce the money your have to take out of your retirement funds.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
New HECM reverse to purchase program
Many seniors find themselves living in a home that was suitable for raising a family and to large or ill equipped to meet their current needs. Perhaps some would rather relocate to be near children, grandchildren or warmer climates. Moving to a smaller updated home that requires less maintenance and repairs would certainly enhance their retirement years.
This new program will be providing opportunities for people over 62 to purchase homes. This new financial tool can be used to purchase a primary residence while allowing the senior to obtain the same result as paying cash for the home. The outstanding balance owed is only due and payable once both borrowers permanently live the home, by sale, disability or passing away.
There are also no credit or income requirements for this loan. There are no payments on the outstanding owed balance no matter how old they may become for as long as they occupy the home.
Advantages of the REVERSE TO PURCHASE PROGRAM
* Employment or income not necessary to qualify
*Considered a non-recourse loan a reverse mortgage can never go into foreclosure as long as one of the qualified borrowers is living in the home.
*Good credit or credit score not necessary
*No monthly mortgage payment on the outstanding balance
*It can be paid like a regular mortgage for a tax deduction or to the limit the amount added to what is owed
*Title of the property ALWAYS remains in the homeowners name, never changing ownership
*The home can be sold at any time without pre-payment penalty.
The amount needed for a down payment is based on the borrowers age and current interest rates. The older a person, the less money is needed to purchase the home. The current rate for the fixed rate program is 5.5%.
HUD counseling is required for this loan just like any other reverse mortgage program. This HUD counseling educates the borrower about the program. The counseling can be done in person or over the phone. The counselor protects the best interest of the borrower(s).
A reverse mortgage on a borrowers current residence can be used to purchase a second home. This will allow the homeowner to own a second home with no monthly mortgage payments.
For further information you can visit my website at www.dianequitmeyer.com or call 314-220-3198.
This new program will be providing opportunities for people over 62 to purchase homes. This new financial tool can be used to purchase a primary residence while allowing the senior to obtain the same result as paying cash for the home. The outstanding balance owed is only due and payable once both borrowers permanently live the home, by sale, disability or passing away.
There are also no credit or income requirements for this loan. There are no payments on the outstanding owed balance no matter how old they may become for as long as they occupy the home.
Advantages of the REVERSE TO PURCHASE PROGRAM
* Employment or income not necessary to qualify
*Considered a non-recourse loan a reverse mortgage can never go into foreclosure as long as one of the qualified borrowers is living in the home.
*Good credit or credit score not necessary
*No monthly mortgage payment on the outstanding balance
*It can be paid like a regular mortgage for a tax deduction or to the limit the amount added to what is owed
*Title of the property ALWAYS remains in the homeowners name, never changing ownership
*The home can be sold at any time without pre-payment penalty.
The amount needed for a down payment is based on the borrowers age and current interest rates. The older a person, the less money is needed to purchase the home. The current rate for the fixed rate program is 5.5%.
HUD counseling is required for this loan just like any other reverse mortgage program. This HUD counseling educates the borrower about the program. The counseling can be done in person or over the phone. The counselor protects the best interest of the borrower(s).
A reverse mortgage on a borrowers current residence can be used to purchase a second home. This will allow the homeowner to own a second home with no monthly mortgage payments.
For further information you can visit my website at www.dianequitmeyer.com or call 314-220-3198.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
