Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Coming together for Caring
(repost)
Coming Together to Make Aging a Little Easier
By ELIZABETH POPE
Published: September 15, 2011
LAST summer, Shoya Zichy was about to drop off a prescription at a friend’s house when she tripped and dislocated her elbow in Midtown Manhattan.
Ozier Muhammad/The New York Times
SUPPORT NETWORK Charlotte Frank, right, with members of the Caring Collaborative, Shoya Zichy, left, and Pam Ramsden, at Ms. Frank's apartment.
As Ms. Zichy lay helpless on the sidewalk, Pam Ramsden came along, on her way to visit the same woman, who was recovering from a traffic accident. “I couldn’t let Shoya go to the hospital alone, so I jumped in the ambulance with her,” said Ms. Ramsden. “I’ve never seen anyone in such pain.”
Ms. Ramsden, 67, spent the next 10 hours in a hospital emergency room with Ms. Zichy and accompanied her home in a taxi at 1 a.m. “I was so grateful she was there, because I was in shock and could barely function,” said Ms. Zichy, a corporate career coach in her 60s.
The women had met once before; both are members of the Caring Collaborative, a program offering volunteer assistance to women with health problems. Started in 2008 by the Transition Network, a New York-based nonprofit group for professional women in or near retirement, the collaborative has 200 volunteers. They provide network members, who pay a small fee, with short-term, nonemergency caregiving, like pet care, meal and prescription delivery, hospital visits and escorted medical appointments. The network is not organized to help the frail elderly or provide long-term care.
Members of the Caring Collaborative also meet in neighborhood groups, organized by ZIP code, for confidential discussions of doctors, hospitals and surgical procedures. The collaborative, a pilot program available only to the network’s New York City members, is under consideration at some of the network’s 14 chapters nationwide.
That August night, Ms. Ramsden took on far more than the collaborative’s usual dog-walking or accompanying a recipient home from a colonoscopy. She corralled medical providers, lobbied for more pain medicine and tried to distract Ms. Zichy, who spent hours without food or water on a gurney in the hallway. “I couldn’t imagine being on my own in her situation,” said Ms. Ramsden, recently retired from a management position with the Episcopal Church Center.
Innovative approaches to managing some of the difficulties of aging are bubbling up around the country, often initiated by women who want to stay independent, said Alyson Burns, an AARP spokeswoman. “Women by nature congregate around shared interests, so we’re seeing informal networks popping up in church groups, book clubs, unions and lifelong learning programs,” she said.
A 65-year-old woman can expect to live at least 20 more years, often alone and in need of help to live independently, she said, “yet 40 percent of boomer women don’t know that long-term planning involves complicated decisions about your home, family and community.”
The Caring Collaborative was created by Charlotte Frank, a retired executive with the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey and co-founder of the Transition Network. Complications following thyroid surgery a few years ago left her dependent on friends to provide meals, take her to visit the doctor and stay in her Manhattan apartment. “Until then, I thought I was invulnerable, but without the support of my friends, I’m not sure I would have survived,” said Ms. Frank, 76. “I realized it’s critical to build a network to rely on as we age.”
Many New York professional women over age 50 — the core of the Transition Network’s membership — are single or childless and live far from family, said Dr. Diana Killip, 74, a retired internist who helped establish the Caring Collaborative. “It’s part of the protective armor of being a New Yorker that you don’t get close to your neighbors,” she said. “So who are you going to ask for help when you need it?”
The program, financed with $144,000 from the New York State Health Foundation, uses software to match caregivers and care recipients. Members can build credits by helping others and later redeem the credit if needed. (There is no need to bank credits — recipients can volunteer later.) “At first, members loved the time bank because it was anonymous and reciprocal — the world didn’t need to know you were asking for help,” said Ms. Frank. The second year, time bank usage dropped off, possibly because members became friendly in the small neighborhood groups and did not bother to report running small errands for a new friend, she said.
Transition Network chapters on Long Island and in the San Francisco area are interested in adapting the Caring Collaborative model to their geographic requirements, said Ms. Frank. The founders have also prepared three guides to help other organizations create similar networks, peer groups and “vertical villages” in high-rise apartment buildings.
Project Renewment in California, a volunteer organization for professional women in transition from their primary careers, is interested in the Caring Collaborative model. Like the Transition Network, Project Renewment members make friends in small peer groups focused on second career options, volunteering and travel, said Helen Dennis, a gerontologist and cofounder of the nonprofit organization. “We already have an informal caring community, but to get our hands on a funded and field-tested model — what a gift,” she said.
The Caring Collaborative is just a first step in resolving older women’s potential vulnerabilities, said Ms. Burns, who heads AARP’s campaign — called “Decide. Create. Share” — aimed at helping older women plan for their later years. “You need to ask difficult questions: ‘Can my home be modified so I can age in place? Does my community have services I might need? Could I afford to hire in-home care? What are my last wishes?’ ”
Ms. Zichy’s accident prompted her to look into a continuing-care retirement community in Philadelphia. “Now the only question is whether I can afford it,” she said.
And Ms. Ramsden has given thought to moving near one of her children. “It’s hard to imagine that one little trip on the sidewalk could cause so much anguish,” she said. “But it makes you think, ’What would I do if it happened to me?’ ”
Friday, November 4, 2011
Move Forward in Reverse - lock in home values
What if home values continue to decline? Reverse mortgages have helped people capture the value of their home during a declining market. People that took out a reverse mortgage three or more years ago received equity from their homes that has now evaporated. So if a reverse mortgage makes sense for someone today it might be time to move forward to lock in the value.
While several large banks have left the reverse mortgage industry and many people are misinformed about the product now might be a good time to investigate how this program can be a valuable tool.
Often times the most valuable asset people have are their homes. For people over 62 the reverse mortgage allows them to tap into this asset. Home equity has been falling since its peak in 2007. Despite this decline the National Reverse Mortgage Lenders Association estimates there is $3.2 trillion in equity sitting out there that is untapped.
The Time is RIGHT
While reverse mortgages continue to be used by a tiny percentage of eligible homeowners it might be a good idea to talk to your financial planners or family members and lock into the program.
1. If you have a home that's worth more than $417,500 the temporary loan limit of $625,000 is set to expire at the end of 2011.
2. The future of the program is uncertain, all government programs are subject to deletion.
3. The reverse mortgage can provide funds necessary for anyone who is laid off or having financial difficulty in this weak economy.
4. Look at the reverse mortgage as a way to lock in the home's current value and protect the equity
Earlier this year Ginnie Mae, which purchases reverse mortgage-backed securities, tightened the standards for these loans. Loan volume has continued to fall since it's peak in 2008.
With the introduction of the new financial assessment due out in the coming weeks it is going to become more difficult for those "in need" seniors to receive a reverse mortgage. This assessment will try to evaluate whether or not the borrower will be able to continue to pay their property taxes, homeowners insurance and maintenance on their homes before they grant the loan.
Who Qualifies?
The homeowner(s) must be at least 62 or better and the home must be their primary residence. They can not be delinquent on any federal debts but can have a small mortgage on the home that will be paid at closing. All the criteria for the loan is based on home value so the guidelines for this loan are not the same as a conventional loan. However, HUD counseling or reverse mortgage education is a mandatory requirement for the loan. This helps the borrower understand the loan and avoid being taken advantage of by an unethical lender.
There are two types of loans to choose from. The fixed rate provides the largest amount of equity you can receive from the reverse mortgage but all the proceeds must be taken at closing. Thus you begin paying interest on that amount as soon as the loan funds. This loan makes sense if you have a large mortgage or other debts that need to be paid. The second is the adjustable rate loan that provides you with many options such as tenure (a dollar amount for the rest of your lift) term (a set amount for a number of years) a line of credit that actually grows in value or a combination of any of the programs. The line of credit is a great way to have money accessible to pay taxes, medical bills etc. without having to pay it back. It also grows by 4% which is the opposite of the market value of the home. All the proceeds from the reverse mortgage are TAX FREE!!!!
As long as one of the homeowners remain in the home the loan is not due and payable. Not until the last borrower leaves the home by death or disability does the family need to start looking into selling or refinancing the home. Once that event occurs the loan must be repaid, with interest. Any money remaining after the loan is satisfied goes to the borrowers or their heirs.
An example of the application of this product was a 77 year old lady in Arizona that took out a reverse mortgage to purchase a home for her daughter down the street from her so that she could help take care of her. The daughter now had a mortgage -free home and lives near enough to care for her mother.
Recently FHA introduced the Saver Loan. The good news is that the upfront costs of the loan are greatly reduced but so is the amount you can borrow. In some cases you will also pay a slightly higher interest rate. The volume of these Saver products has more than doubled since January. They are now about 10% of all new reverse mortgages according to John Lunde, president of Reverse Market Insight. It seems borrowers are getting younger and utilizing the product for retirement planning.
While home equity may have declined from it's peak, smart planning can allow people to fund their retirement by tapping into it.
While several large banks have left the reverse mortgage industry and many people are misinformed about the product now might be a good time to investigate how this program can be a valuable tool.
Often times the most valuable asset people have are their homes. For people over 62 the reverse mortgage allows them to tap into this asset. Home equity has been falling since its peak in 2007. Despite this decline the National Reverse Mortgage Lenders Association estimates there is $3.2 trillion in equity sitting out there that is untapped.
The Time is RIGHT
While reverse mortgages continue to be used by a tiny percentage of eligible homeowners it might be a good idea to talk to your financial planners or family members and lock into the program.
1. If you have a home that's worth more than $417,500 the temporary loan limit of $625,000 is set to expire at the end of 2011.
2. The future of the program is uncertain, all government programs are subject to deletion.
3. The reverse mortgage can provide funds necessary for anyone who is laid off or having financial difficulty in this weak economy.
4. Look at the reverse mortgage as a way to lock in the home's current value and protect the equity
Earlier this year Ginnie Mae, which purchases reverse mortgage-backed securities, tightened the standards for these loans. Loan volume has continued to fall since it's peak in 2008.
With the introduction of the new financial assessment due out in the coming weeks it is going to become more difficult for those "in need" seniors to receive a reverse mortgage. This assessment will try to evaluate whether or not the borrower will be able to continue to pay their property taxes, homeowners insurance and maintenance on their homes before they grant the loan.
Who Qualifies?
The homeowner(s) must be at least 62 or better and the home must be their primary residence. They can not be delinquent on any federal debts but can have a small mortgage on the home that will be paid at closing. All the criteria for the loan is based on home value so the guidelines for this loan are not the same as a conventional loan. However, HUD counseling or reverse mortgage education is a mandatory requirement for the loan. This helps the borrower understand the loan and avoid being taken advantage of by an unethical lender.
There are two types of loans to choose from. The fixed rate provides the largest amount of equity you can receive from the reverse mortgage but all the proceeds must be taken at closing. Thus you begin paying interest on that amount as soon as the loan funds. This loan makes sense if you have a large mortgage or other debts that need to be paid. The second is the adjustable rate loan that provides you with many options such as tenure (a dollar amount for the rest of your lift) term (a set amount for a number of years) a line of credit that actually grows in value or a combination of any of the programs. The line of credit is a great way to have money accessible to pay taxes, medical bills etc. without having to pay it back. It also grows by 4% which is the opposite of the market value of the home. All the proceeds from the reverse mortgage are TAX FREE!!!!
As long as one of the homeowners remain in the home the loan is not due and payable. Not until the last borrower leaves the home by death or disability does the family need to start looking into selling or refinancing the home. Once that event occurs the loan must be repaid, with interest. Any money remaining after the loan is satisfied goes to the borrowers or their heirs.
An example of the application of this product was a 77 year old lady in Arizona that took out a reverse mortgage to purchase a home for her daughter down the street from her so that she could help take care of her. The daughter now had a mortgage -free home and lives near enough to care for her mother.
Recently FHA introduced the Saver Loan. The good news is that the upfront costs of the loan are greatly reduced but so is the amount you can borrow. In some cases you will also pay a slightly higher interest rate. The volume of these Saver products has more than doubled since January. They are now about 10% of all new reverse mortgages according to John Lunde, president of Reverse Market Insight. It seems borrowers are getting younger and utilizing the product for retirement planning.
While home equity may have declined from it's peak, smart planning can allow people to fund their retirement by tapping into it.
Medicaid Asset Recovey - Important Information
MEDICAID ESTATE RECOVERY
What Seniors Should Know
What is Estate Recovery?
Not many people are aware of the 2009 Estate Recovery act enacted by the Federal Government that places the largest asset the family owns (their home) in jeopardy of a Medicaid lien. When I tell people about this law they are unaware of it. So I did some research and found this information on the West Virginia Attorney Generals website. This validates the information I've been giving seniors for several years.
"Estate Recovery is a collection program required by a Federal law (42 U.S.C.
§ 1396p). This law requires all States to “recover” money spent by Medicaid on
“long-term care” (nursing-home or home and community-based care) by collecting
it from the estates of people who received such care after reaching age 55. Most of
the money collected goes to the Federal government, not the States. States that fail
to implement Estate Recovery collections can be cut-off from Federal Medicaid
funding, but no State has yet been penalized for failure to properly implement the
Estate Recovery requirements.
% Estate Recovery does NOT create a debt owed by the deceased Medicaid recipient’s
heirs, but rather creates a claim or lien only against the assets in the
deceased’s estate. The State Medicaid agency (called the “Bureau of Medical
Services”) files a claim against the estate and can enforce it in the same manner
as any other creditor of the estate.
% Many assets that were exempt for purposes of determining Medicaid
eligibility (such as the home) are no longer exempt after the Medicaid-recipient
dies, and are subject to Estate Recovery.
% The maximum amount of an Estate Recovery claim is the value of the estate,
or the amount spent by Medicaid on long-term care after the deceased recipient
reached age 55, whichever is less. If the assets in the estate are insufficient to
pay the claim, the remainder of the claim is extinguished and does not
constitute a debt".
As a reverse mortgage specialist I help people "Age in Place". I have worked as a clinician in hospitals and nursing homes. So my personal agenda is to help people stay there by providing the financial means to do so. The Estate recovery act allows state to attach a lien to the property of individuals who receive Medicaid benefits. If a person secures a reverse mortgage they protect at least 60% of that asset against this Medicaid lien. The state can only attach whatever remains after the reverse mortgage is paid. I always ask seniors and family members if they have long term care insurance. Most people do not because it is cost prohibitive. So the only way to protect the asset is with a reverse mortgage.
While I'm not an attorney it seems the message is clear. If someone is unable to pay the $7,000 nursing home fees and goes on Medicaid they are going to allow the government to place a lien on their property. It usually doesn't take long for the equity to evaporate that took a lifetime to build.
What Seniors Should Know
What is Estate Recovery?
Not many people are aware of the 2009 Estate Recovery act enacted by the Federal Government that places the largest asset the family owns (their home) in jeopardy of a Medicaid lien. When I tell people about this law they are unaware of it. So I did some research and found this information on the West Virginia Attorney Generals website. This validates the information I've been giving seniors for several years.
"Estate Recovery is a collection program required by a Federal law (42 U.S.C.
§ 1396p). This law requires all States to “recover” money spent by Medicaid on
“long-term care” (nursing-home or home and community-based care) by collecting
it from the estates of people who received such care after reaching age 55. Most of
the money collected goes to the Federal government, not the States. States that fail
to implement Estate Recovery collections can be cut-off from Federal Medicaid
funding, but no State has yet been penalized for failure to properly implement the
Estate Recovery requirements.
% Estate Recovery does NOT create a debt owed by the deceased Medicaid recipient’s
heirs, but rather creates a claim or lien only against the assets in the
deceased’s estate. The State Medicaid agency (called the “Bureau of Medical
Services”) files a claim against the estate and can enforce it in the same manner
as any other creditor of the estate.
% Many assets that were exempt for purposes of determining Medicaid
eligibility (such as the home) are no longer exempt after the Medicaid-recipient
dies, and are subject to Estate Recovery.
% The maximum amount of an Estate Recovery claim is the value of the estate,
or the amount spent by Medicaid on long-term care after the deceased recipient
reached age 55, whichever is less. If the assets in the estate are insufficient to
pay the claim, the remainder of the claim is extinguished and does not
constitute a debt".
As a reverse mortgage specialist I help people "Age in Place". I have worked as a clinician in hospitals and nursing homes. So my personal agenda is to help people stay there by providing the financial means to do so. The Estate recovery act allows state to attach a lien to the property of individuals who receive Medicaid benefits. If a person secures a reverse mortgage they protect at least 60% of that asset against this Medicaid lien. The state can only attach whatever remains after the reverse mortgage is paid. I always ask seniors and family members if they have long term care insurance. Most people do not because it is cost prohibitive. So the only way to protect the asset is with a reverse mortgage.
While I'm not an attorney it seems the message is clear. If someone is unable to pay the $7,000 nursing home fees and goes on Medicaid they are going to allow the government to place a lien on their property. It usually doesn't take long for the equity to evaporate that took a lifetime to build.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Dementia Patients Seem to Benefit From Small Group Homes: MedlinePlus
Dementia Patients Seem to Benefit From Small Group Homes: MedlinePlus
It makes perfect sense that dementia patients would do better in a small setting. Since their short term memory is so impaired fewer things to remember would make life less complicated for them.
It makes perfect sense that dementia patients would do better in a small setting. Since their short term memory is so impaired fewer things to remember would make life less complicated for them.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Thursday, December 9, 2010
The perfect Caregiver: It's all a state of mind
The Perfect Holiday Caregiver: It’s all a state of mind
December 8, 2010
The holidays are always a wonderful time of year for family gatherings, reflection on what we have and the spirit of giving. The television is packed with specials showing relationships and families coming together for the holidays.
But the holidays can also be a time of stress and sadness for those who are caring for family members that are struggling with health problems, frailty, dementia and loss. Those who care for these individuals may feel overwhelmed, frustrated, depressed or resentful as they watch “perfect” families enjoying the holidays. There are many surveys and documents that show that caregivers are highly susceptible to these feelings. If you are a caregiver, there are measures you can take to avoid this.
First; Remember, that you are not alone.
If you are new to caregiving or have been caring for someone for a very long time, remember that the perfect family on television is not reality for many Americans. You are not the only one with these challenges. A recent study by the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP found that 44.4 million Americans age 18 or older are providing unpaid care to an adult. In fact according to the survey provided by the National Family Caregivers Association:
* The typical caregiver is a 46-year-old Baby Boomer woman with some college education who works and spends more than 20 hours per week caring for her mother who lives nearby.
* Female caregivers provide more hours of care and provide a higher level of care than male caregivers.
* Almost seven in ten 69%) caregivers say they help one person.
* The average length of caregiving is 4.3 years.
* Many caregivers fulfill multiple roles. Most caregivers are married or living with a partner (62%), and most have worked and managed caregiving responsibilities at the same time (74%).
Second; Find help.
There are many resources available to a caregiver. Some of these include family members, friends, a local religious group, elder care agencies and homecare providers. The internet provides many great resources and help. The National Care Planning Council offers many articles, brochures and local referrals to help caregivers find the help that they need.
“When my husband’s stepfather was released from the hospital in December of 2009, he called us to give him a ride home. Once he was home, we quickly realized that he was not able to care for himself at all. He lived alone and we found ourselves driving back and forth three or four times a day to assist all of his needs. It was overwhelming and frightening to suddenly become a caregiver to a man we weren’t even that close to. With my husband working full time days, I became his primary caregiver. I would pack up my two little girls every day to come with me to take him to the doctor, do his laundry and feed him his meals, do his grocery shopping and help him with his bills. I had no idea what his finances were like or how to pay his medical bills. He was too sick to care or even understand what I was saying to him. I quickly realized I was going to have to find help. First I called his children. They were sympathetic, but gave all kinds of excuses as to why they could not help. Next, I went to the internet. I went to the website for National Care Planning Council www.longtermcarelink.net and found and contacted a Care planner in my area. The Care Planner came to my stepfather’s house and met with the two of us. They helped me get organized and set up time to meet with someone to explain his Medicare services and what my next steps would be. It was such a relief to have a plan and to know what to do.” MH- Salt Lake City, Utah
Most family members are willing to help, but just don’t know what to do. Many caregivers feel that they are the only one who can give the best care. It is important to communicate with other family members about what kind of help you need and let them know specifically what they can do.
A number of organizations and private companies will give you advice and guidance -- many for free. If your care recipient has a very low income, you might get free help from your local Area Agency on Aging. A lot depends on available funds. Click here for a nationwide list of agencies.
A good source for professional advice is the rapidly growing business of non-medical home care companies. Most will offer free consultations and will provide paid aides to help you with your loved-one with such things as bathing, dressing, shopping, household chores, transportation, companionship and much more. These people may also help you coordinate adult daycare or other community services.
You may wish to pay for a formal assessment and care plan from a professional geriatric care manager. Even though it may cost you a little money to hire a care manager, this could be the best money you will ever spend. Care managers are valuable in helping find supporting resources, providing respite, saving money from care providers, finding money to pay for care, making arrangements with family or government providers and providing advice on issues that you may be struggling with.
Lastly; it is important to take care of yourself first in order to give effective and loving care.
Stephen Covey tells a story in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People about a man who is sawing a tree. A woman approaches and asks the obviously exhausted man how long he has been sawing the tree. He tells her that he has been there for hours.
She says “Well, I see that your saw is dull, if you would just sharpen your saw you would be able to saw it much faster and with less effort.”
He replies, “I don’t have time to stop and sharpen my saw, I need to chop this tree down now!”
It seems pretty silly that the man just doesn’t stop for a few minutes to make the work easier. It is common for caregivers to do the same thing. They focus on caring for their loved one and run themselves down instead of stopping to “sharpen their saw”.
Covey states that “sharpening the saw” is to take care of yourself by keeping your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self balanced. There is joy and respite in balancing all of these areas in our life. This is what makes us efficient and happy. Here are some ways for you as a caregiver to sharpen your own saw:
* Maintain a positive attitude. Take time to be grateful for everything that is good in your life. There is always something. Adjust your expectations for the holiday season. If you aren’t expecting that perfect holiday family picture, then you won’t be angry and frustrated that it isn’t something you have right now. It is always possible to change your attitude and perceptions, but it is not always possible to change your circumstances.
* Eat healthy food and be sure to get some exercise. Do this in small increments if it is too overwhelming to plan menus. Drink more water, cut down on sugary snacks, pick up some vegetables and fruit to grab. Walk or do marching in place. Run or walk up and down stairs if that is all the time you have right now.
* Forgive and let go of frustrations, anger, resentment and guilt. These are common feelings for caregivers. The best thing a caregiver can do for their own emotional health is to clear out these negative thoughts and feelings. Get counseling, talk to a friend or family member or simply write down the negative feelings to get them out of your system. Never take your anger and frustrations out on those you care for.
* Take time to do something you enjoy and give yourself a little bit of rejuvenation everyday. Laughter is a great stress reliever. Find something funny to read or get on the internet and find a funny video to watch.
* During the holidays, be easy on yourself. If you enjoy holiday activities, then get out there and do them. Ask someone to help with your caregiving duties even if it is just for an hour or two to shop or to see a concert or movie. There are day care facilities or home care services available for short term care. See www.longtermcarelink.net for a service in your area.
Being a “perfect” caregiver during the holidays does not have to look like the perfect on-screen holiday family. How you handle your circumstance will be the key to creating your own peace, happiness and cheer during the holiday season. The holidays can be a time of reflection on good things. Your attitude and a little care for yourself can make a big difference in the care that you give in the coming year.
December 8, 2010
The holidays are always a wonderful time of year for family gatherings, reflection on what we have and the spirit of giving. The television is packed with specials showing relationships and families coming together for the holidays.
But the holidays can also be a time of stress and sadness for those who are caring for family members that are struggling with health problems, frailty, dementia and loss. Those who care for these individuals may feel overwhelmed, frustrated, depressed or resentful as they watch “perfect” families enjoying the holidays. There are many surveys and documents that show that caregivers are highly susceptible to these feelings. If you are a caregiver, there are measures you can take to avoid this.
First; Remember, that you are not alone.
If you are new to caregiving or have been caring for someone for a very long time, remember that the perfect family on television is not reality for many Americans. You are not the only one with these challenges. A recent study by the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP found that 44.4 million Americans age 18 or older are providing unpaid care to an adult. In fact according to the survey provided by the National Family Caregivers Association:
* The typical caregiver is a 46-year-old Baby Boomer woman with some college education who works and spends more than 20 hours per week caring for her mother who lives nearby.
* Female caregivers provide more hours of care and provide a higher level of care than male caregivers.
* Almost seven in ten 69%) caregivers say they help one person.
* The average length of caregiving is 4.3 years.
* Many caregivers fulfill multiple roles. Most caregivers are married or living with a partner (62%), and most have worked and managed caregiving responsibilities at the same time (74%).
Second; Find help.
There are many resources available to a caregiver. Some of these include family members, friends, a local religious group, elder care agencies and homecare providers. The internet provides many great resources and help. The National Care Planning Council offers many articles, brochures and local referrals to help caregivers find the help that they need.
“When my husband’s stepfather was released from the hospital in December of 2009, he called us to give him a ride home. Once he was home, we quickly realized that he was not able to care for himself at all. He lived alone and we found ourselves driving back and forth three or four times a day to assist all of his needs. It was overwhelming and frightening to suddenly become a caregiver to a man we weren’t even that close to. With my husband working full time days, I became his primary caregiver. I would pack up my two little girls every day to come with me to take him to the doctor, do his laundry and feed him his meals, do his grocery shopping and help him with his bills. I had no idea what his finances were like or how to pay his medical bills. He was too sick to care or even understand what I was saying to him. I quickly realized I was going to have to find help. First I called his children. They were sympathetic, but gave all kinds of excuses as to why they could not help. Next, I went to the internet. I went to the website for National Care Planning Council www.longtermcarelink.net and found and contacted a Care planner in my area. The Care Planner came to my stepfather’s house and met with the two of us. They helped me get organized and set up time to meet with someone to explain his Medicare services and what my next steps would be. It was such a relief to have a plan and to know what to do.” MH- Salt Lake City, Utah
Most family members are willing to help, but just don’t know what to do. Many caregivers feel that they are the only one who can give the best care. It is important to communicate with other family members about what kind of help you need and let them know specifically what they can do.
A number of organizations and private companies will give you advice and guidance -- many for free. If your care recipient has a very low income, you might get free help from your local Area Agency on Aging. A lot depends on available funds. Click here for a nationwide list of agencies.
A good source for professional advice is the rapidly growing business of non-medical home care companies. Most will offer free consultations and will provide paid aides to help you with your loved-one with such things as bathing, dressing, shopping, household chores, transportation, companionship and much more. These people may also help you coordinate adult daycare or other community services.
You may wish to pay for a formal assessment and care plan from a professional geriatric care manager. Even though it may cost you a little money to hire a care manager, this could be the best money you will ever spend. Care managers are valuable in helping find supporting resources, providing respite, saving money from care providers, finding money to pay for care, making arrangements with family or government providers and providing advice on issues that you may be struggling with.
Lastly; it is important to take care of yourself first in order to give effective and loving care.
Stephen Covey tells a story in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People about a man who is sawing a tree. A woman approaches and asks the obviously exhausted man how long he has been sawing the tree. He tells her that he has been there for hours.
She says “Well, I see that your saw is dull, if you would just sharpen your saw you would be able to saw it much faster and with less effort.”
He replies, “I don’t have time to stop and sharpen my saw, I need to chop this tree down now!”
It seems pretty silly that the man just doesn’t stop for a few minutes to make the work easier. It is common for caregivers to do the same thing. They focus on caring for their loved one and run themselves down instead of stopping to “sharpen their saw”.
Covey states that “sharpening the saw” is to take care of yourself by keeping your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self balanced. There is joy and respite in balancing all of these areas in our life. This is what makes us efficient and happy. Here are some ways for you as a caregiver to sharpen your own saw:
* Maintain a positive attitude. Take time to be grateful for everything that is good in your life. There is always something. Adjust your expectations for the holiday season. If you aren’t expecting that perfect holiday family picture, then you won’t be angry and frustrated that it isn’t something you have right now. It is always possible to change your attitude and perceptions, but it is not always possible to change your circumstances.
* Eat healthy food and be sure to get some exercise. Do this in small increments if it is too overwhelming to plan menus. Drink more water, cut down on sugary snacks, pick up some vegetables and fruit to grab. Walk or do marching in place. Run or walk up and down stairs if that is all the time you have right now.
* Forgive and let go of frustrations, anger, resentment and guilt. These are common feelings for caregivers. The best thing a caregiver can do for their own emotional health is to clear out these negative thoughts and feelings. Get counseling, talk to a friend or family member or simply write down the negative feelings to get them out of your system. Never take your anger and frustrations out on those you care for.
* Take time to do something you enjoy and give yourself a little bit of rejuvenation everyday. Laughter is a great stress reliever. Find something funny to read or get on the internet and find a funny video to watch.
* During the holidays, be easy on yourself. If you enjoy holiday activities, then get out there and do them. Ask someone to help with your caregiving duties even if it is just for an hour or two to shop or to see a concert or movie. There are day care facilities or home care services available for short term care. See www.longtermcarelink.net for a service in your area.
Being a “perfect” caregiver during the holidays does not have to look like the perfect on-screen holiday family. How you handle your circumstance will be the key to creating your own peace, happiness and cheer during the holiday season. The holidays can be a time of reflection on good things. Your attitude and a little care for yourself can make a big difference in the care that you give in the coming year.
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